Families Really Can Be Together Forever (Part II REFUGIO)

In a talk I heard someone important say that no child who has grown up into an adult looks back to his or her childhood and fondly remembers the remodeled bathroom.  Good childhood memories almost always have to do with family tradition, vacations and activities.  While we did not have all the money in the world to spend when our kids were young, we still had enough to have choices on how we spent our time and money. 

We sort of just fell into this tradition by accident:  CAMPING AT THE BEACH!  When my oldest was eleven and my youngest was one we came to visit our good friends when they were camping at Carpenteria.  Although we had planned on a one night stay, we ended up staying longer -- everyone was having so much fun!  The next year we made reservations for a whole week and have been camping at the beach every year since -- my youngest is twenty eight now.  This tradition grew to include many families and friends over the years. This year Bill and I witnessed our grandchildren playing on the beach with our friends' grandchildren.  Dejavu! 

Families Really Can Be Together Forever (Part I Just Ground Them Together!)

For some reason this was one of the things I always knew and one of the things that I really did right.  How do I know I did at least this one thing right?  All of my children are grown and four of the six are married and three of those four have children of their very own and they all have busy lives, BUT THEY LOVE BEING TOGETHER AS A FAMILY.  I know this because they make extreme efforts to come together physically as much as possible and are always talking to each other on the phone.  They enjoy the company of each other so much that they even take long trips across the country to their silblings.    

Example:  One of my wonderful daughters-in-law introduced a new family tradition a few years back -- October Lombardi Ranch & Bill's Chili/Cornbread Dinner.  Although October is a very busy month, everybody who can be always is there.  We had a great time riding the train through Scarecrow Alley, climbing the giant pumpkins, looking at the smelly animals and running through the corn maze.  It is always a great photo opportunity as well.  Jeff stepped up and cooked chili for Bill who is really busy with the move to his new office.  A great time was had by all.

All siblings squabble and fight from the very beginning of life -- this is a fact.  When I became the mother of my second child, I intrinsically and instinctively knew it was my responsibility to teach my children to love and respect each other, to insure that home was a peaceful place and not a battlefield.  A lot of mothers just give up before they get started but I am very stubborn.  Motherhood is ultimate peacekeepingg mission.  I tried anything and everything in my arsenal until I discovered the ultimate weapon in putting down skirmishes before they developed into hundred year wars.  GROUND THE INSURGENTS TOGETHER!!!

This is how it works:  1)  Jimmy and Jenny have to be with each other all the time -- they play only with each other -- they work with each other -- they go to each other's activities (parties, practices,etc.); 2)  there is no time limit set or spoken -- groundation ends only when Mom feels in her heart that a true and lasting peace has been made between Jimmy and Jenny; 3)  Mom must never give in to pressure from Jimmy and Jenny to end the grounding.

The results are amazing.  Jimmy and Jenny unite against Mom (the greater foe) and before long they are having a great time with each other.  They help each other do their chores and homework.  They gain appreciation for each other's interests and talents.  Jimmy and Jenny become friends as well as brother and sister. 

I believe that the adult friendships my children have with each other were forged and cemented in those times they were grounded together as children as part of my peacekeeping mission. 

Sum... Sum... Summer Time!

I know I haven't posted anything for a long time.  That's because it is summer time -- my favorite time of year.  When my six kids were little and in school, I could not wait for school to get out especially -- no more school work, sleeping in, playing all day long, laying by the pool, no school/sports/community volunteer assignments...!  [Except for Girls Camp which I dearly love!]

I had my computer guy retrieve all my files on my old laptop and I found the original file of "my book" which is the first incarnation of this blog.  I am so excited because I can finally remember all of the oh-so-important and unforgettable snippets of wisdom that I have so quickly forgotten.  I may find that I wasn't  near as clever as I thought I was.  Anyways, I have a lot of subjects to write about now and I am beginning to have more time.

PAPERS, PAPERS, PAPERS! Part II (The Notebook)

When my father retired, Mom & Dad put everything into storage and traveled around the United States with their trailer.  Mom gave me a box with a collection of papers from my school years -- one or two examples of my finest art and most brilliant writing from each school year.  My whole family loved going through each and every year of my young life -- and I confess that I loved remembering that part of me.  My sister and brother also got a collection of their school papers. 

I am my family historian and I have six children's worth of papers -- writing, art, certificates, awards, etc.  There was so much more paper when my kids were in school than when my sister, brother and I were students.  I can just imagine how much more there is today.  Of course this caused another of those problem areas of motherhood thorns in the side -- how to organize and store PAPERS!!!  I tried many strategies of filing:  files in cabinets, 3x5 card filing systems, boxes for each child, etc.  I tried them all but, being undisciplined and an expert procrastinator, they all failed (or I failed them all).  All of these systems ended up created mountains of paper waiting to be filed, being moved from place to place.

KNOW THYSELF and TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE!  I was never going to manage my paper going the traditional routes. 

Then Price Club (now Costco) came into being.  There I could purchase really cheap 3-4 inch ringed notebooks and archival safe page protectors.  This happened almost too late for me but you could be saved.  I began a one step filing system based on chronology.  Any paper I deemed worthy of keeping I placed it immediately before putting down into a page protector in a big notebook.  When the notebook became full, I open up a new one.  Because I file everything when it comes into the house into the next available sleeve, I never have to decide where to file it.  I also can usually remember what happened in the last bit of time so when I want to retrieve something it is easier to recover.  Example:  Jennifer's inoculations records --  must be before she could go to school, so that means kindergarten, so that means September when she was five so that must mean ....  You get my drift.  Isn't chronological filing wonderful?

Someday I will pull out each of my children's papers and scrapbook them into cute scrapbooks for their birthdays or Christmas presents.  But maybe I won't get around to it.  At least my kids won't have to delve into boxes of damaged scraps of papers or throw out whole boxes of memorabilia. 

This system is good for more than just scrapbooking.  I have begun doing all of my filing this way.  I have a notebook of birth certificates, car registrations, and other important papers conveniently placed for easy retrieval.  This really helped when we were on evacuation alert during the fires a couple of years ago.  I just popped out the screens of my guest room and threw notebooks out the window and into my car. 

You young moms have the advantage of technology:  digital photograhy and scanners make it possible to file electronically.  All of the billions of trophies my kids won went away technologically -- I snapped them digitally and tossed them.  If I was going to start today, I might go completely paperless.  But I would back up with an internet storage system and portable hard drives. 

My goal for 2011 is to have all my PAPERS organized and I am more than halfway there.  The key to my success this year is that I follow these rules:  (1)  Only touch a paper once if you can;  (2)  Place it in a notebook; (3)  Scan it, file it electronically and toss it.  I finally have a system that works for me.

PAPERS, PAPERS, PAPERS! Part I [The Stamp]

Five children in elementary school at the same time, five papers per day, five school days per week.  You don't have to be a math person (which I am) to figure that adds up to one hundred twenty five papers per week plus whatever papers your junior high schooler does or doesn't deliver.  125+ papers coming into my home every week not counting junk mail!  That is enough to bury a mom in trees!

Many of the papers were supposed to be read, signed and returned the next day.  If it wasn't overwhelming, it was time consuming and sometimes irritating.  I got tired of signing all those papers and sometimes I just wasn't available to place my John Hancock on each and every paper that needed signing.  Sometimes the kids forgot to get me to sign their papers.

Sooooo ....  I ordered a signature stamp!  Papers that needed signing went on the dining room table after school.  Then BAM, BAM, BAM with my stamp and it was done.  It got to the point that I would have the kids stamp their own.  Initially, the teachers objected.  And Jaclyn was afraid of getting in trouble.  After a little while, it became clear I was not backing down and I was not going to throw out the stamp.

I have to say I love my signature stamp!

HOW I DISCOVERED MY LAUNDRY ROOM HAD A FLOOR

Yes I really do have six kids -- I do.  How can you afford them?  Isn't it hard?  I could never do it!  Yes you could.  It really is easy except for one thing  -- THE LAUNDRY!!!  It is the hardest thing about having a large family.  For the first thirteen years of motherhood I struggled with getting the laundry under control -- never once getting it done completely. 

I had a day assigned to do all the laundry.  I collected it all, separated it into whites, lights and darks mixing everyone,s clothes together.  I could get it all washed but had a struggle separating and folding it and getting it into the drawers before the little critters had pulled out everything and mixed the clean clothes with the dirty clothes.  The result was mountains of dirty and clean clothes in the bedrooms and in my laundry room.  I took consolation by cruising by the house of one of my good friends who had more children than me and shall remain nameless.  I was buoyed up with the knowledge that behind her garage door was a laundry mountain higher and wider than mine.

My life changed the day my good friend, Evelyn Jones, taught me her system of doing laundry.  She has six kids the same ages as mine.  The following are the main elements of the Evelyn Jones method:

• Every person has their own dirty clothes basket in their room.
• Each day two people have a day of the week designated as their laundry day.  No one else may use the laundry room on a day other than their own.
• The older siblings are paired up with the younger ones and help them.  (When he was three, Jeff started doing his own laundry with the help of his big brother Jim.)
• Each person does one light load and one dark load, from sorting to getting it into the drawer, including their own sheets.  This is actually all the loads needed for one person so once a week everyone's laundry is totally done.
• Mom and Dad have four days left to do their own laundry, towels, bedding, etc. 
• The laundry days must be strictly enforced.  If someone misses, oh well!  They might have to make do for a week until their day comes up the next week.

I know all you other  perfectionists and control freaks will have to do what I did  --  LET GO!!!  Remember, if the laundry mountain is growing, if you have to move the mountain off your couch if someone comes over, if the mountains are in the way of your achieving peace and happiness, IT IS NOT WORTH STRIVING FOR PERFECTLY LAUNDERED CLOTHES.  It will only take a few minutes of wear and tear before people won't be able to tell that your kids do their own laundry.  (Who is checking anyways?)  The small amount of extra water, energy and detergent is minuscule compared to head shrinker bills.

The day I implemented Evelyn's method I found my laundry room floor.  There was carpet in the bedrooms as well.  I was no longer hampered with anyone's hamper but my own.  There was no longer an ironing pile.  I did not have to try to figure out whose underwear and socks were whose.  When I walked by an unclaimed sock, I felt empowered to toss it into the trash.  I was FREE!

P.S.  I'll write about the sock hill later.     

Ideas I don't want to forget to write about

I find that when I have a good idea come into my head I MUST WRITE IT DOWN.  Even or as important I MUST PUT IT IN A PLACE I WILL FIND IT LATER.  Sometimes I hide these important things so well they are lost forever!  So I have decided to post a list of the topics I want to post.  That way I won't forget.

oven pancakes
chores
penguins
papers
boat

Peace & Quiet In The Morning Time And The Night Time

There are certain times in the course of the day that mothers are prone to go crazy.  Those are the times when moms are trying to meet time deadlines, a lot of different things are going on at the same times, the needs of more than herself (and usually way more than herself like 7 other people or more) must be met in a small time constraint and she has not had enough time to get the rest she needs.  How many times did I use the words time or times in that sentence?  The noise level at those times is directly related to the number of bodies in one house and the stress level at those times is always magnified by the noise level. 

If you are a mom you know these times occur mostly at two specific times:  the morning and the evening, when it is just getting light and when it is just getting dark.  Is it a coincidence that most child abuse happens at these times?  I read this somewhere around the time I had a great idea come to me.

PEACE AND QUIET IN THE MORNING AND THE NIGHT!

It became our new rule and our mantra.  I would ask "What time is it?" to remind the kids and they would answer (in soft voices) "Peace and quiet in the morning and the night time!"  Morning time was when they got up in the morning until they left for school, play, etc.  Night time was when it started getting dark or when they came in from playing outdoors or when I starting getting dinner and did not end the whole night.  During those times there were no loud voices, no crying or whining, no running and wrestling, no loud television, no fighting.  This was the time to get ready, do chores, say prayers and read scriptures, work on homework, play quietly, get along with each other, pick up, etc.

This rule changed my life.  I was no longer the crazy woman; I accomplished all things better; I was nicer; I listened more; I found peace in my home.  It did not always work perfectly and many times we would need reminding with "What time is it?"  Battles in the morning almost disappeared and we were more happy with each other when we parted.  Having that rule helped us to calm down so we could have nice dinners and relaxing evenings together.  The spirit in our home and in my own soul changed.

Things I Know Now That I Wished I Knew Then

My name is Janet.  I am a wife, a mother and a grandmother (among many other things).  I started writing a book that I was going to give to my daughters and daughters-in-law to help them ahead of time when they were getting their own families started.  But the computer crashed .... 

Then I decided that this summer I would rewrite it as a blog.  I hope I can begin a new good habit this summer by keeping up with it.  The subjects I will write about are mostly solutions to my own personal irritations and failings as a wife, mother, homemaker, family historian, etc.  I am pleased to note that my daughters and daughters-in-law are right now already head and shoulders above me when I was their age.  Any bits of wisdom I will throw out to you all might or might not be of help to you.  Please feel free to make use of my hard earned experience or reject it -- my feelings won't be hurt.  But if I were to have a second chance to do it over I would ....